Words

Words matter. They create meaning, connection, reinforce beliefs, break down barriers. We can control how we use them but not how they are received, yet we have a responsibility to use our words wisely, carefully and to listen to the words they elicit in return.

Words can also help us reflect, think differently about a situation or to process what cannot be changed. I am a lover of words, I feel safe in their embrace and the comfort they create. The written word gives me a distance from the uncomfortable transaction of in person exchanges. I choose my words carefully, with care and have time to wonder how they will land.

Everything I do in my life is from a place of kindness and respect. I had that taken away from me at a very young age, which means I feel the need to please anyone and everyone and if pushed I will use my words to capitulate, smooth things over and withdraw. I can express opinion, I can say how I would like things to be done and I live in fear that this is not okay and that by doing this I am overstepping boundaries I don’t understand. People often seem to misunderstand who I am and label me one thing or another and I will take that label and believe it. It reinforces all I was told, all I believe I am.

But I am also not what I once was. I can start to unpick the threads that lead me to believe I am not important. That my feelings don’t matter. That you can treat me however you wish and I will be okay. Safety comes in the form of respect. When we respect others boundaries, others words and listen we can help them to feel safe. Sometimes it is just not the right time for words as however we think we are using them, they will not be heard and that is okay. Our need to use our words doesn’t override the right for someone to say they don’t want to hear them. The person who shouts loudest is not the winner.

Words also don’t have to agree, we are not the same and opinion and free speech are key tenets of a democracy and compassionate society. It’s in how we don’t agree that hope lies. But words also can’t always mend and that’s okay too. There is no perfect. Sometimes things just don’t work out and that does not have to be a judgement.

This space is my voice, it helps me connect with others and myself. It is the air I never had growing up, a confidence that I can be me and if that’s not for you, well that’s okay. We are all not for each other. Learning that isn’t easy for me. But in this lesson lies my power. All my life others have tried to take that away. They’ve told me what I think, what I feel, how I should behave and despite the panic I feel inside I will use my words to say - no more!